My arms were outstretched, all the way wide open. My smile was for no one but Joy to see.
On a sandy beach I gave voice to the spirit moving inside until I was covered. Powder and grit. Twisting and standing, bending and stretching. Some call it Yoga. It’s just how I move when the sacred has expression through me. A blue heron argued with my presence overhead, the Osprey offered concern from its nest. Laying on my side I grasped the bottoms of two nearby smallish trees at the water’s edge, weeping. I could feel the roots in the Earth, down in there so deep, so connected. And knew that no human will ever be so. No matter what, the crux of our humanity is separateness from all that we see, touch and feel. The fulcrum of being, is the acute point of knowing we visit, while in these bodies. Our most boastful connection is a pinhole’s worth of what is available.
I spoke to the woods with arched back, legs underneath me, head pressed into shifting sand…”no one knows where I am right now.” And I loved that. I loved how many ways I meant it. I loved and cherished the isolation of sacred time alone on the tiny spit of beach as the sun set, as the fish jumped, as the breeze blew, as the ants walked around me-over me. I was indiscernible from nature, naked and awash with dust and shards of pine cone and needle, camouflaged with what I was not here to hide from. Loving that I come here to partake of my wildness, my unafraidness, my naturalness.
Heading back across the lake it was after nightfall…I stopped to listen to the sound of my hesitancy to return. I laid down and fingers drifted in the soft water, the water reminding me of what I do not like about cars, traffic, and the mindmade world waiting for me on shore. What is there for me? Why do I not stay out here?
My children. My parents. My friends. My healing work. That is all I ever go back for. For love. The only thing that matters to me is genuine connection. That is all, nothing else. And what I come out here for is because with people, genuine connection has many obstacles. Layers. Out here, there are none. Open your eyes in nature…instant connection. No barrier. It is a chance to recall what it can be like with our fellow human beings…when the guard is on break, when the heart is wide open. When you get weary of not feeling the connection with humans, look to nature for reprieve.
Nature is the only real teacher there is…for there is nothing we have to offer in return…nature does not learn from us. We are always the student. That is part of our inherent nature…we are here to learn.
My arms were outstretched in gratitude. Laughter and tears, who cares which? I knew that this life, this one right now, is my favorite. Out of all the lives I can recall, this life is the one I would gladly come back and have over and over again. This is the one life I know of that I hope never ends. I do not know what happened to be so fortunate to have experienced such a deeply abiding love. And if you want to know the secret, I can tell you, but after you hear it you may still think I have not told you. It’s too unbearably simple.
That is it. I…love. The way you feel when you see a beautiful sunset. The way you feel when you see your beloved, or your children. Takes those feelings towards those things out there and imagine feeling that way so clearly about yourself. Imagine placing your hands on your heart at the end of each and every day and saying “thank you for being here with me” and not knowing or caring whether or not you are talking to God or yourself because you can’t tell the difference any longer. And then offer the same to anyone you wish or pray for, not knowing or caring if you are praying for God or for them, because you can’t tell the difference anymore. It all seems to be going to the same place…
It’s just love. That’s all. That is why I love this life the most. I can’t recall ever this kind of love being present. And it doesn’t make it easy. It actually makes living in the world, as it is, harder. Much harder. Unbearable at times. But Love is yet, the foundation of every struggle and suffering visited upon. So, I am glad to be here, deeply in love.