Nuance. Subtlety. Context. Semantics. What does “attachment” mean when people say “I want to let go of attachment”? Or when they say “you need to let go of that attachment”?
Attachment is the cause of all suffering. All nuance aside…yes…a beautiful heartfelt yes. There is nothing subtle about suffering.
Here is my response to these questions…
I am a kite. What grounds me to the Earth is a long stout, strong cord…the kite string. The wind blows up high and I do not drift. I do not fly free. I am in the sky, but not free to disappear to parts unknown, because I am attached. This attachment keeps me anchored. And the anchoring affect is divine to me. For, I have been the lost kite, untethered. That happened for a while. But the string began forming, just at the lower corner there you see…
It wound itself of remembered undone things. It spiraled downwards towards Earth spinning the story of why I found my spirit in a body. It made landfall and anchored me between both “realities”. The Sky and the Ground.
When I awoke the string cut. When I fell in love, the string was there again. Suffering isn’t something I let go of. When I die, it lets go of me. Sometimes this happens when I am still in a body. The string shivers in the wind, little flecks of twine fly off into nowhere.
When you completely lose who you believed yourself to be, you may find yourself like me. On the opposite side of spiritual seeking. You may find yourself looking down at how you are anchored to your suffering and give praise for your attachment. You love the view and the feel of the ground. But always you know you can never be only on the ground again. And when you have fallen in love with the ground in a whole new way, something funny happens.
You see the people desiring the opposite. You see them walking up to their cords with knives or scissors. You see them endeavoring to separate themselves. They look up at their kite and can’t see it. They can’t feel it. It drives them mad. It causes the kind of suffering that does not feel good. And the anguish of KNOWING it is up there AND simultaneously not being able to see it or experience it, somehow…the answer is to cut it off. Push what we can’t have away. To seek to end our suffering, within a certain context, is tantamount to cutting off our connection with all that is divine about what we came here to do and learn.
To me, my suffering, is the most beautiful thing about me. It is me. It is what I came here to do. It is the embodiment of what I came here to work on. It is what I asked for. Suffering that is embraced is not experienced as suffering. It is recontextualized into “suffering is another name for the way my lessons come.” Some lessons come as laughter…no one ever says cut that string. Some lessons come in pain…is that really less desirable than laughter? If you can smile or laugh while genuinely inside of your pain, then things get really interesting.
People often ask what I “did” to make my awakening happen. Here is a funny thing. Consciously I did nothing. I never sought it out. I didn’t even believe life like this was real or possible. I didn’t know love like this, for one’s self and for others was possible. I didn’t know connection was so accessible. Had I known, I may have sought. No. I loved my simple life. Homeschooling my kids. Running a small home business. Doing a little bit of healing work here and there. In my day to day existence I literally didn’t want anything drastic about my life to change, outside of the normal things people tend to want. More time with family together…more vacations…
I never wanted to lose or leave the life I had…internally or externally. But it all went. I refer to it as a yardsale. I lost both homes. The one I experienced as my innermost self. And the one I lived in physically, family-home-relationship.
Here I am now. Kite. The wind is up and the line is shivering. What is left of me I hold to fast. I appreciate it beyond measure. I so love how it anchors me to existing as a human who is being. I am so glad it is still here to be held on to. Me..let go of this loneliness?
Do you not know that God is the only one that takes what we don’t need? No amount of my holding can release me from my lessons. No amount of releasing and letting go rids of me of what lesson’s God bonds me to learn from.
I really love the picture I found for this entry. There we all are. Tethered to the material, anchored to the manifest. Our awareness singing up and down the line…sometimes feeling like the place where the kite is anchored. Sometimes feeling like the kite.
All I can say for me is that at all times I experience being both at the same time.