Imagine a huge ball. A ball the size of a house. It is clear, see through. Every single hurt, joy, sadness, grieving, memory from your whole life is inside of it. Every single issue that you ever have grappled with and likely ever will grapple with is in there. All your karmic streams streak wildly about. Now place yourself inside of the ball. You are in the middle of it. There is no separation from your sense of you and everything in there with you. There is no protection. There is no way to get away or tune out any of it. You are without choice, without defense. Everything is omnipresent, ceaselessly swirling.
Now imagine being able to step outside of it and shrink it down. Imagine all that information and emotional content and karmic streaming information shrinking down to the size of seven softballs and then put one each where one of your chakras is located. There. You now have created a pathway for your learning. Your body/heart/mind/spirit are now inseparably linked. Your mind acts as a regulator. Your sense of self, which is not identified as all that is in those chakras, is ignorant of what is there. This is by design. Things are structured this way so that things will expand and release in a managed fashion. The amount of seeing it would take to see all of this at once without having a place of respite would be unbearable. You would not be able to live the life you had before, if all this opened at once.
A Kundalini Awakening or Kundalini Crisis is when everything opens at once and you find yourself with no regulating identity with which to allow a gradual unfolding. At once you find yourself inside the ball, instead of it being contained within. You are in the great wide open and it never ends. This kind of awakening isn’t just described as “ceaseless” to sound dramatic. It refers to the nature of energy. When does energy ever stop moving? When we have an identity it helps blunt the awareness of how everything is ceaselessly in motion…about how life is unburdened life and death in each second.
Kundalini Crisis is when you suddenly, without warning, find yourself in this ball…and you never leave again. It is the energetic space of unregulated you, uncensored fears, unmet pain, inexplicable bliss and a kind of grounding in the real of reality that feet cannot stand on. It honestly isn’t something that can be explained well enough to someone who has not been through it. It isn’t “awakening” per se…not at all…not on the conceptual or cognitive level. It is more like an explosion of everything. It is like a star exploding in the middle of who you are and then you are the dust and all the space in between. All of who you were floats around you. Transcendance isn’t moving beyond who you thought you were. It is in resting and finding peace within the remains of who you thought you were.
Making peace with Kundalini Crisis and life inside the sphere of everything you brought in with you is akin to learning how to knit inside of a maelstrom. One must find balance in the most trying of spiritual arduousness. There are many easier pathways to peace besides this one. Everyday is integration for the rest of your life. It is not a curse. It is the chance to fall in love with all that is in a deep and complete way. It is the chance to live in alignment with how things actually are, without regard to the perception of the mind that seeks to keep one grounded by NOT allowing one to see how things actually are.
What I have observed from supporting people who have been through this, as I have, is that it is similar and different for everyone. But the one common thing for everyone, is what happens to them when they do not embrace it. If it is feared instead of loved…if it is shunned instead of celebrated…things do not go well. That is the difference between a Kundalini Awakening and an awakening. I refer to “Kundalini Awakening” to express the chaotic depth and no chance of a return to who you were. Whereas “Awakening” I see as a profound increase in understanding…but the mind is still regulating-Realization happens and wisdom ensues, and the sense of self undergoes a gradual reduction and peace takes place.
I would not change what has transpired for me. But I never look at someone and hope they have a Kundalini Awakening. If someone tells me that they want to wake up I pray that they have the kind that I didn’t get.
The greatest joy for me, since this occurred for me though, has been how I am given the chance to support others who have been through a Kundalini Awakening. There is still so very little and limited understanding about it in any culture. I rarely have picked up a book by anyone and read it and thought “yep, they get it, I would recommend this book to a client”. I have rarely seen a website that I’d recommend. I always come back to the same thing…love. I rarely see a support book or site for Kundalini that feels based in love and compassion for the person in the midst of it. Instead I see that it is described rather “sciencey” “spiritual sciencey”. There is very little regard to how it is a deeply love driven process. I feel the approach most often seen is that Kundalini is regarded as a “thing”, as a “force”. To me, this is like looking at the ocean and saying “look, it is water” instead of looking at the beauty and vastness of what all that water is doing. There is also an inherent trust issue at work. The fact is..is that if you haven’t had a full blown awakening and found love in the midst of it…your hands will be tied by your fear when someone approaches you with their own crisis. What I observe is that they already have an agenda or protocol they recommend before they even meet the person in the midst of the moment. They never stopped wanting it to stop, so their goal will be to help you slow it down.
I am pointing to the sense of separateness. As long as we feel that we must understand Kundalini or harness it somehow…this is indicative of fear. And if we have fear about it, we approach it very much like the way a doctor approaches an ill patient. The awakening is seen to be something to Manage…as if somehow perfection needs a helping hand from us. This is like telling a tree how to grow. What a Kundalini sufferer needs, more than anything…is to know that they are not alone, that others have been through it, and that it is a love driven process. And those three tenets, are not what I see when I view books or sites. Instead I see long descriptions of symptomology. I see that people get caught on those quite often and end up trying to have a cessation of symptoms, instead of looking at what is driving the whole thing karmically. And this is no different than someone wanting to stop being depressed…but never exploring why they are depressed. Kundalini symptoms are living information…instant biofeedback, not some random awful thing that must be managed.
Well, I may have overstayed my welcome on the soapbox here. I will step down now…