8 Minutes worth of light.
If you turned the Sun off, if the light just stopped, we would have 8 minutes of “light” left here on Earth. When you looked up after that the sky would appear just like it does at night. The darkened moon we would likely only see by how it blotted out parts of constellations.
If you were somehow on the Sun when it happened you would see the Earth lit up, reflecting the photons still striking for 8 minutes more.
The Earth is visible to other places in space only because of our Sun. It makes us shine. It gives us color.
The next closest star is Alpha Centauri. It may already have died, but we wouldn’t know for roughly 1,570 days…or within 4.3 years, of its demise. It is 4.3 light years away.
When we look into the sky we are, quite literally, always looking into the past. Always. It is never the present moment with space. We can’t see what is actually happening until we get close to it, until we are actually there, right there, right next to something. Walk outside and feel 8 minute old photons striking your face, the warm embrace of the past.
It is like this with people too. Always the past. So rarely do we see them in the present moment. The light they show is often but a remainder. At that moment or moments of trauma the light died and what you are seeing is the light from an extinguished star. With people it is like seeing a star without the light…a place where light once was. You can get a sense of when the light is coming from a star that is still alive…or when you are seeing light from a star that is just what is still finding its lonely way through the universe, untethered to the source from which it came. That is how it can be with stars, with people.
But there is more. Our source isn’t physical. Our source isn’t based upon material resources and physics and distances measured in light years. For us, for humans, we are stars that can burn out and be reborn. We fade, we reignite.
We go through periods where all we can shine is the light from what we once were. We go through events that remind us of the Phoenix and we burn brighter than ever before.
If we are always looking into the past when we look into the sky, what do we do with this when it translates literally to other people? How do we get beyond just receiving someone’s past? How do we get beyond just projecting our past? How do we find our way into the raw and wild actual present moment? For one thing, you have to get very close to someone who is very close to themselves, in order to see past their past.
Imagine how we would do this with our Sun. In order to feel the photons that were not from the past, we would have to get very very close to the Sun. The immediacy of the Source which is at our very center’s is very much like the furnace that heats our planet. To get close to this place inside of another person is like looking into the heart of a Sun.
This brings me to my point…my Son. I have been on a mission lately to turn down the aspect of myself that seems to not filter out what is being transmitted by people around me all the time. Sometimes I strongly feel that the very reason more people are not awake the way I am…is because it really is an unsustainable way of being. In the culture I live in, there is less than minimal support. It is a way of being that even open minded people do not grasp. And that always sounds like arrogance. But arrogance is something that people have when they want to have something over another, some power or control. What I have is a way of being that I often try to get rid of. It isn’t easy to love being open in ways that set you apart from everyone you try to connect with…on any level. I pray for normal all the time. But I am unceasingly aware that I do this only because of the environment in which I live. One where my reality isn’t a consciously shared reality with 99.9% of the people I have met.
So, I have been trying hard to fit in, to be normal. I have been working hard to shift into a place where it can just slow the fuck down. This is where my son comes into the picture. He sat me down for a talking to this last week. He says, in essence “hey Pops, this whole being normal thing isn’t working for Zoe and I. I know you think that slowing down your energy makes you more accessible and relatable to us, but the truth is that we feel you are now less whole, less available, more checked out than ever. I want you to be you again.” And in that moment I had a sense of dead star. I had turned myself off and didn’t want to shine but enough light was still coming through to animate the body, to go through the days intact…I still smiled. But Quinn…he could feel that the Source was gone. I was just reflecting a light I used to have. The least amount possible.
In other words, fitting in, wasn’t working. And not just for him. It actually took ALL of my energy to block what I am normally open to. The desire to feel and experience life like everyone else does was so strong in me. Just praying for normal became a daily thing. I gotta tell ya though, it just about felt like it was killing me to do so. I was exhausted, wrung out all day long. I felt like a shadow of myself. I felt like disconnected light.
Then, I reignited. I finally agreed with my body that I would do some yoga. Immediately everything began opening up. The sadness of the isolation inherent in this way of being returned, but I felt like me again. Being me feels like sunlight to me. Energy surged, as usual. We went out to eat and it was hard. In the restaurant I reflected that I had been there two weeks prior and when I was there I had noticed that I couldn’t “hear” what I normally heard…I could not “see” what I normally saw. I just saw personalities. I just saw people as they presented themselves. It felt relieving. And yes, it did also feel awful…like being deaf and blind. Today in the restaurant I was reminded of why I had wanted normal. I was reminded that I don’t just get to do yoga and then everything works again. It is a process of allowing naturalness to return. Today I sat there and felt everybody at once. I felt them like transmission towers, powerful signal emitters. Everything spoke at once. It was like, instead of watching one TV channel or Movie, I was watching and hearing 15 at once. If I don’t block who I am and how I am naturally…this is what it is like.
For others who have this same thing going on, you know well that the trick is in how to find balance. For many not knowing how to find balance with a Kundalini Awakening or heightened sensitivity is the trick. For me, knowing how to find balance is the easy part. Choosing to do it…that is the tricky part.
I guess it is safe to say, that in terms of light years, I was about 676,430,115.9287671 miles away from Earth when I burned out. It took my son 6 weeks to notice that I had stopped shining.
As always, the surest way to balance is loving who you actually are and acknowledging that it isn’t always an easy thing to do. But if you don’t, you aren’t really here…you are light years away.